It’s also interesting that as I turned my focus toward God that He promises to sew back into me.  That my youth will be (and is being ) renewed like the eagles.  That my voice and my passions will come to life and become bold and full because my heart will be aligned with His.  This is such an exciting time.  I can just see God smirking and chuckling because He knows of what is to come. He can see the greater picture and is way more excited than I will ever know.  It’s pretty cool to know that God is excited for me and about me.  It’s pretty cool to know that God wants me to thrive and wants to lift me up and sit my next to Him.  The best part…it doesn’t have to start tomorrow

Yesterday was a very public display of how much she loves me and how much we are loved and cared for by the community that we are a part of here in Seattle.  I must admit I didn’t know what to think when I was called to the front at the end of church but when the lights dimmed and my beautiful wife came walking down the middle row in a amazing dress with a bouquet in her hand I was definitely pleasantly surprised.  To be that supported by those around us.  To be loved by an amazing wife. To have the chance to love such a beautiful, wise, elegant, and yet strong woman is such a privilege.  To be shown such grace, compassion, and forgiveness by her and by our friends and family is something that I have never seen.  It was truly a special day.  We had talked about renewing our vows at some point, but it wasn’t decided.  I can’t think of a better time, place, or way that it could have taken place.  All that needs to really be said is: God is Good!  God is REAL good all the time.

I find myself in a job where I know I am supposed to be for a season (to learn, to gain experience, to improve, etc) however my mind and soul find themselves on the constant move looking for the areas where God is and where I can be.  It can be hard to focus at work because really the work I am doing doesn’t feel like Kingdom work on a day to day basis, or doesn’t really “fit” what I feel like I’m called to do.  So in the midst of God re-establishing and laying a new foundation in me I’m coming to fully understand that part of the purpose for right now is to grow in being an amazing follower.   To be a well known leader in the world you usually find someone to mentor you, you gain a little experience, and then you blaze you own trail/path and you make things happen.  The mentality totally shifts when you look at it from a Kingdom perspective.  To truly be a leader within the Kingdom of God you HAVE to be an amazing follower because at no point in time can you ever leave the leader.  You can leave, but if you aren’t totally surrendered and in relationship with Christ, it’s not going to be of the Kingdom.  All that being said, I’m supposed to be learning to follow and follow well.

What is happening is that God is building up a foundation where my nature, being, and identity are becoming so centered and intimate with Him that there will be no difference between Jeff the school district employee or Jeff the minister of the gospel.  It’s not like a switch just gets turned on because a title is present.  The current challenge seems to be that my heart cries for me to react but the hours in the day just seem to run out and I can’t be too many places at once.  So even today I was challenged and asked “are you doing anything to really put your thoughts and dreams into use?”Simple question.  Then interpret it after reading John 2:14-26.  I can believe God is big and called me to big things but if I don’t act on those dreams…they just become lifeless.  Dead.  I can believe this or that, but if there is no action then it’s pointless.  So ya, hours may seem to run out but what is my true calling and desire, to work, to dream, or to pursue God with a reckless abandon?  Talk about being challenged.

Part of the challenge is determining today that I must choose to dedicate the time and focus to following and being an amazing follower.  Part of the challenge is to really put some action and time into what God is asking me and calling me to do thus really building it into who I am as a person.  Does it really make a whole lot of sense?  Sometimes no.  In fact I must admit, for the most part no.  I mean, I believe in something and in someone that I have experiences with but I can’t see and even then I know who God is but what I know and have experienced can’t even come close to really imagine the vast love of God.  So ya it is a little crazy. To pursue some big things is pretty crazy and foolish at times.  But I also must say that I’m quite thankful and blessed to have a wife who wants to be crazy and foolish with me.  That we have some close friends who are also willing to be a part of the adventure.  It also doesn’t hurt that we’ve seen examples of Ezekiel and Abraham who set out to do some pretty crazy and foolish things (I mean seriously…talk to a bunch of bones and expect that they are going to rise up into an army or bind your son up and prepare to kill him even though you are supposed to be the father of many nations?  To even believe that he was going to be the father of many nations before he even had a kid is quite wacky but yet it states that he believed and God credited it him as righteousness).  I guess the challenge just keeps growing and we need to constantly re-evaluate what “crazy” really is in this life.  All I know is that God keeps asking us to imagine greater, deeper, and wider and that while there may be some things that look really weird I don’t mind at all if I’m one of those people who just had too much faith.  I’m pretty positive that God isn’t going to frown and look down on that when the day come so I need to do everything I can to put myself in a position for more of God to be revealed and His Glory to transform me.  Amen Amen.  Bring it God!

Good thing I don’t always have to prove my point.

This is definitely something that has been on my mind and God and I have had more than one conversation these past few days discussing how I am called to act and respond in the midst of an argument. I won’t lie, I have a strong distaste for arguments.  I’d rather be getting something done, being productive and moving forward.  What I’m coming to learn is that God really desires to save the day and save a lot of time, hurt, and tension if I’m just willing to let go and give Him some time to speak.  I mean that in all sincerity.  If I can respond in love, God has told me He will cover the rest.  Pretty nifty and well…definitely adds a whole new level of freedom to my life.

It’s an interesting concept and story line you see throughout the bible but it’s also quite the personal challenge to me.  I know of Lazarus being raised from the dead, but I have never witness nor raised anyone from the dead.  I know of Ezekiel being commanded by God to prophesy in the valley of dry bones (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel+37%3A1-14&version=NIV) thus raising up a vast army, but I haven’t seen a valley of dry bones become a vast army.  But then I read a passage like James 1:22-25 (the Message):

^22-24Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

²⁵But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.

That challenges me.

Last week I spent four days intentionally seeking God and asking Him to pull off, burn up, and kill all of the hurts, traumas, selfish commitments, and personal vows that I have experienced or made in the first 25 years of my life so that my true God given heart and soul can be revealed.  Once revealed I could then allow God to finally have access to what He originally created and the door would be open for God to come in and fill my heart to overflowing. In one book I was reading the author talked about embracing the process and how it’s really more like ‘waking the dead.’  My heart, while still showing signs of life at times, was really in a deep slumber, bound by previous choice and unable to really thrive as it was intended.  I really did need to wake my heart from death.

The connection between my heart and the valley of dry bones is really quite simple in my mind and yet it can bring about thousands upon thousands of arguments and controversy.  It’s the question of how much do I want to see and partner with God?  How bad do I want it?  How bad do I want God’s Kingdom to come?  The list can go on but really it boils down to my hunger and my desire.  It’s weighed heavy on my heart and weighed heavy on my mind.  The challenge to pursue God, pursue His Kingdom with such abandon that I am not satisfied until the captives have been set free, every heart has been restored, and His Kingdom reigns is not some feeble, lame challenge.  It takes work and true discipline.  So, instead of finding myself thinking about the choice or debating whether or not I should or shouldn’t really dive in my response has to be “I’m ALL IN!”  So that’s what I said. There is no turning back.  There is just something about tasting true freedom and wanting to savor the taste that I don’t know if I’ve ever really tasted.  Why would I ever go back when I have tasted, I have seen, and I’ve experienced something far better than what I ever had.

Now is the part where I am really jumping into the abyss.  It’s unknown, it doesn’t look like anything that I have experienced before, but at least I know that I’m not alone.  I can’t guarantee very much but I can guarantee that it’s going to be a wild ride, quite an adventure, and it’s not going to look like anything I can imagine.  So God…I can’t wait to speak to a valley of dry bones and co-create with you as those bones come to life right before my eyes.  Bring it God, Bring IT!  Wow me with your love, power, and awe and thanks for waking my dead heart.

The journey I’m on is so much more than one of addiction and really I am so excited to be where I am right now and yet so ready to move.  I am experiencing God’s love in astounding ways (just being able to take the most beautiful woman in the world out to dinner last night and have her want to be my valentine is not only a great example of her love, but God’s love through her to me) as well as in ways where God is challenging me to go deeper and become more vulnerable with Him as my friend.  Two weeks ago I felt challenged to write down a list of “wants” or things that I actually want to do or see happen.  Within a week I had several potential opportunities off of that list pop up. I have been challenged to be a self starter and a follower at the same time.  To learn what it means to follow which at times means to lead.  I’m in the midst of this huge growth and process in my life and it is so exciting.  God is moving and He is moving in me.  It can’t get much better than that.

The shift is happening and really it’s happening faster than I thought.  The hard part is figuring out how I fit in all of it and just letting go of all of the control and power that I once held onto.  How do I participate and yet not suffocate or stress my life into unbalanced chaos?  It’s a huge question and I’m so glad I don’t actually have to answer it.  Good thing nothing is impossible!

Really quick…here is one thing that has been in the forefront of my mind recently and something that I’m sure I will be thinking about quite a bit…What does it look like to merge the fad/popular term of “Social Justice” with “Holy Spirit led believer?”  What does that look like?  How does one operate in this world that likes to talk about “doing good” for others when it’s common place to just ask the Holy Spirit what is really going on and then fixes the problem.  Obviously my passion and desire to help people around the world and unit people to bring about social change comes from the heart of God but have I limited my thought and my dreams by just looking at natural reactions as ‘miraculous’ instead of relying on God to really do the miraculous?  It’s an interesting tension and I’m sure that I’m going to be thinking about it for quite some time but I can tell you this…I’m tired of talking about how we should be doing this or we should be doing that.  I’m so glad that God has equipped us to do what is needed and I’m so glad that God has stirred up something inside of me and is revealing more of who He is as I ask for more.  I will never be the same and I’m glad that if nothing else in my brain comes into fruition I can at least share with someone that I know the goodness of God and it’s POWERFUL and AWESOME.  Pretty simple.  Simply Beautiful!  Forever Changed!

I am Edmund.

I could go on and on going pretty deep into what I mean but in the most basic form of it, I am Edmund.  Lured away by the thought of treasure and being spoiled and treated as a king.  I wanted to be “the man” the one who ruled it all and wanted to be in control so I made choices that led me down that path only to be rescued and redeemed.  True love brings genuine repentance (seems like I’ve read that somewhere) and I am a walking example of that.  I feel it’s time to not sit in the back sulking in my pride being hurt and instead start living up to the follower, leader, king that I am destined to be.

This morning all of this was emotionally evident in my drive to work as a collection of thoughts that I’ve had the past several weeks and months culminated in a very real and powerful time.  You see, I think I can finally see how I’ve been waiting for the opportunity, as if the opportunity is going to come and I’m going magically just become who I want to be, automatically turn on who I am supposed to be.  No, this morning it was more than evident that instead I need to devote myself, my all to becoming the man who I am called to be regardless of the job, the situation, and regardless of where in life I am.  It’s called perseverance.  It’s not so much trying to reach an end goal but more about the process of changing the reality around me and really changing the lenses that I see the world through.  So when I see that blind woman walking out around town this morning my actions and reaction doesn’t change with the season, with my timing, with my core.  No, I can learn to be a true follower, thus leading even when I’m not in a place of “leadership.”   Sounds like a good time to me.

Moving along…

Here is a letter that we just sent out this week informing people of a few things…

Our Journey in this Magnificent Abyss

May, 2010

Greetings:

As we are preparing for the summer months in Ellensburg we wanted to take the time to thoroughly update all of you who have been generously supporting us in our adventure with Extreme Nazarene. It has been almost a year since we first thought seriously about partnering with Extreme and we have realized that we haven’t updated all of you as often as we had planned, so we would like to lay out where God has taken us and where we are headed starting this summer.

Extreme Update:

On June 19^th, Extreme will host the biggest evangelical event to ever happen in Arequipa Peru and as I write this there is a team of over 30 people planning to host over 10,000 people for a day of festivities, food, and a chance to present the gospel. These are exciting times, exciting days as we are seeing people come to Christ by the hundreds in Peru and because of your support over 50 people from the state of Washington will be making the trip down to be a part of the transformation of a city and potentially a nation. Because you have supported us, people all over Washington state have heard the vision, and they are responding. Communities in Peru will never be the same as several churches in Washington have decided to adopt them, thus paving the way for a missionary to set foot in that area. Many of those communities have never been presented with the gospel and currently we are seeing 1 out of every 4 people we reach accept the gospel. That is exciting and something to celebrate. Thank you for helping us fulfill our roles with Extreme Nazarene as it is making a difference.

What’s Next:

While I spent a week down in Los Angeles with the rest of the mobilization staff we began brainstorming and putting ideas down on how we could better represent Extreme in the launch of our next project starting this coming July. Those meetings came at a time when I was really feeling God call me to become a person who’s foundation was prayer. We were looking and examining church models and it seemed like every place I looked I saw that whatever was taking place, whether it be in a church model, a ministry, a revival, or a revolution, they all were starting with the intent to seek God intentionally through prayer. I began to see how I needed to latch on to this idea and by the time Lent came around I was hoping to put this into practice in my personal life. Little did I know how uncomfortable and challenging that was going to be.

God has called us to a life of prayer. That may seem elementary but that statement is really shaking up our lives here in Ellensburg. It is because of this that we have been called to step down from Extreme Nazarene and move to Seattle to began working with Church of the Undignified on Capitol Hill (http://www.churchoftheundignified.com/). It is because of this calling that I am having to put down all of my presuppositions and be up front with God on many things that would normally make me very uncomfortable. We have come to the realization that if God is in something, we want to be a part of it even if it makes us uncomfortable. What is very interesting to see though, is the fact that what God has called us too continues to connect several of the dots that have never made much sense. We are starting to see more of the details for our lives and while it is exciting, it is also very uncomfortable because we still haven’t seen the big picture. We know, however, that God is directing us, God has a plan, and we are seeking to do anything and everything to run towards Him.

Your Involvement:

Many of you have supported us financially and have been very generous to us as we have been working for and with Extreme Nazarene. We want you to know that you have been an encouragement to us and not one day has gone by where we realized that God has definitely provided through you in miraculous ways. From needing to pay a bill and a check coming in the mail, to wondering how we are going to do something special for one another, your generosity has been a “God thing” many times. We realize that if it wasn’t for the opportunity to work for Extreme, we would not be where we are today and we would not have been able to make the decision to move to Capitol Hill. Living by faith has challenged us and forced us to re-evaluate our priorities, thus paving the way for great things to come.

My position with Extreme Nazarene will end on June 1^st, 2010 and from there we are in the process of putting together a plan to move to Seattle. Steph will still be a full-time student with Central Washington University, finishing up her degree in Elementary and Special Education, but she will be doing her student teachings in the Seattle area, so we will be saying “Goodbye” to Ellensburg this Summer. As a part of that plan, we are looking into the opportunities for you to continue supporting us as we work at Church of the Undignified, and we will make those known as soon as the details are solidified. The one area we would really like to emphasize is prayer. We may not have a ton of details at this point but we do know that we are going to be working and living in an area that is one of the darkest areas of Seattle. God is doing great things there; things are happening, but Capitol Hill has its challenges. We are in the process of putting together the details such as housing and potential part time employment knowing that God has something planned for us, but the pieces still need to fall into place. Would you make an intentional effort with us for the months of May and June to seek God for the details of this transition? Would you begin to pray and seek God for a clearer picture for us? Would you began to ask God if there are ways that you can commit to supporting us as we make this transition?

We know that if it wasn’t for people like you who have invested in us as a couple, we would not be in the same place that we are in. We would not be ready to step up to the challenge that God has called us to. God has taken care of us. God has provided. We are excited to make this transition and we want you to know how grateful we are for the part that you played. You have not only affected us, you have affected numerous people and communities in Peru, and you are preparing the way for great things to happen on Capitol Hill. Thank you for partnering with us.

In Christ’s love,

Jeff & Stephanie Shaw

I’ve heard that verse (the first part of it, at least) more often than I can count. It seems as though it is one of the first verses memorized by those whom are memorizing verses. The words have always been good, but have somehow never seemed to connect too deeply with me until now.

I am nearing the end of my time here at CWU earning my degree. About 4 years ago I could see so clearly that this was the next step in my life: go home and earn a degree in education. I knew that was the next step, but I didn’t know what would follow. I didn’t even know if I was to become a teacher (in fact, I didn’t feel called to be a typical teacher in a classroom here in the states). I never imagined this step would take this long. I never imagined I would find someone to love here and get married. But life is beautiful, and I am here, in Ellensburg, married to a man who treats me better than I thought I would ever be treated. But what next?

I will be graduating one year from now, and the opportunities seem endless. I will have a degree in both Elementary and Special Education. The special education part means that there are many options for work outside of the classroom… so many that I have no clue what to do. Jeff wants to go to seminary and has also dabbled with a couple other ideas, for the time being. Seminary can be done in several different locations, in a couple different ways.

Where will we be?
What will we do?
When will we go?
Who will we be with?
How will we get there?
Are we prepared?
When will we know?
How long will we be there? Doing that?

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.

He’s got it under control. Though I can’t see what’s coming, I know that something is there, and it will be prosperous and not harmful to us. We have hope because we trust God for our future. We are praying to Him, and He is listening. We are seeking Him with all of our hearts and we will find Him.

He has our plans. He has our futures. He has our hearts.

We trust in you, Lord.